brennan and i "went on a break." i always knew that once we broke up, it'd be for good.
i didn't know he was actually going to want that.
i want to tell him i still love him, that i don't want to be without him.
i know i have to be stronger than that, i have to get over it and pretend it never effected me.
i know we'll be friends, even if it isn't until i get over us not being together.
my heart did break a little, but i think it will get better.
this is a chance for me to be stronger, nicer, happier, and more focused.
i almost wish that when you lose someone, every tie to them would disapear forever, just like they never happened. life would be MUCH easier this way.

i'm not hungry, not tired, not anything but weak and alone.
i wish i wasn't so weak.



"A Better Daughter/Son" -Rilo Kiley


Sometimes in the morning I am petrified and can't move
Awake but cannot open my eyes
And the weight is crushing down on my lungs
I know I can't breathe
And hope someone will save me this time
And your mother's still calling you insane and high
Swearing it's different this time
And you tell her to give in to the demons that possess her
And that god never blessed her insides
Then you hang up the phone and feel badly for upsetting things
And crawl back into bed to dream of a time
When your heart was open wide and you love things just because
Like the sick and dying

And sometimes when you're on
You're really fucking on
And your friends they sing along
And they love you
But the lows are so extreme
That the good seems fucking cheap
And it teases you for weeks in its absence
But you'll fight and you'll make it through
You'll fake it if you have to
And you'll show up for work with a smile
And you'll be better
You'll be smarter
More grown up and a better daughter or son
And a real good friend
And you'll be awake
You'll be alert
You'll be positive though it hurts
And you'll laugh and embrace all of your friends
And you'll be a real good listener
You'll be honest
You'll be brave
You'll be handsome and you'll be beautiful
You'll be happy

Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
To the cries and the wails of the valley below
Your ship may be coming in
You're weak but not giving in
And you'll fight it you'll go out fighting all of them




i can't believe he broke up with me on my best friend's bday, when she's far far away from me.

at least there's jeff, he'll keep my self esteem level until i get stronger (i hope).